I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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