I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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