So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
