We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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