She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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