I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
