TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
