I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
