Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
