By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
