Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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