Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
