Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize