This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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