Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
