The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
