There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
