why didn't you poke me back
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
