So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
