Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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