That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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