im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
