Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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