My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
