So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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