I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
