it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
