i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
