I faked an abortion last night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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