upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
