i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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