no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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