Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize