dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
wow bdsm is so cute
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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