Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
