my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
