she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
