apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
