Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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