my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
