I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
