nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
