Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
