I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
