what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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