yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
