Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
