i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
