Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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