she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Please don't give away my fajitas
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