mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
