She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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