We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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