I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Congratulations! We have a period
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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