i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
