not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize