Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
