im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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