you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
