i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
