I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize