I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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