I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize