you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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