The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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