Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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