What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
