and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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