I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
