haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
