Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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