glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
