Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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