I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
