i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
