before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
