I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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