I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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