My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
