my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
