I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
