i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
