the day after is always just damage control
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
