Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
