your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
