i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
