Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
