Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drake has all the answers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
