New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
