Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
